Me, myself and my "pageant self"

"I am made and remade 

continually.

Different people draw

different words

from me."

- Virginia Woolf

As a woman with an intensely creative soul, I am constantly reinventing myself. 

The times come and go and so do the fashion trends. That's not to say that I follow any of the trends religiously, but my closet fluctuates with trips to Plato's Closet buying and selling clothes and picking up new items at Kieu's or Flirt down on Mass. 

Right now, I'm going for more sleek, solid colors rather than the previous mismatch of loud prints in my wardrobe. You'll still see an outlier here and there, but that's my aura right now in fashion.

I permed my hair a few months ago because I needed a change there. It wasn't quite the crazy, artist, "Miss Frizzle" hair that I wanted but I learned to love the unique tinge and twirl of my new locks. (Let's be thankful I didn't go with my other idea which was to bleach half - just half! - of my hair... because, why not? Er... glad that didn't happen.)

Over the years I have been in Kansas, the amount of rings I wear on my fingers has dwindled drastically. People who knew me in high school could tell you that I wore an obscene amount of rings -- normally about 16 dazzling things on my fingers. 

Now, I also find a creative outlet in modeling. In these shoots, I have the opportunity to transform into different personas that are captured on the camera. This can involve heavy to no makeup, big crazy hair or slicked back, or a simple black ensemble versus an extravagant gown. 

I chose to get a spray tan the other day before the Models for Miracles show. Angela with Liquid Sun Spray had a special "redhead solution" for me to try out and gave me a beautiful tan.

All these things are ways I change with the ebb and flow of how I feel and what's going on in my world. What I wear in the studio when I'm working on art is not the same thing I would wear to an interview - that wouldn't be appropriate, nor would the inverse be practical. The way I do my hair and makeup for work is not the same as I would do for a fashion show or a pageant. Imagine wearing false eyelashes at a dining hall and one falling in the food! Or donning a hairnet during pageant festivities. We all have different shells for different areas of our lives and those shells are appropriate for those areas. 

I do not feel more beautiful when I am tan versus when I am not. Nor do I feel more beautiful when I am onstage in an evening gown and full makeup versus when I am fresh-faced hanging out with friends in blue jeans. It sounds cliche, but it is what's inside that makes me feel beautiful. It's the people I choose to surround myself and how I feel when I am with them. It's the way I present myself in particular situations. It's my core and my light that make the shell worth anything.

I feel authentic in my decisions in the way I dress and present myself. It's funny because sometimes I say I have a "pageant-self" and an "artist-self". But really the "self" is the same. It's just what's on the self that changes every so often.

Whether I am porcelain or tan, face full of makeup or flecked with paint, or in a crown or a hairnet, I am always more than what you see before you. The depth and expanse of myself, my world and the people that surround me is always evolving and growing. I am thankful for that.

Your Kansas Ginger,

Annika Wooton